Pharoah and Slayer
by Gojirob
Summary: The first season of Buffy The Vampire Slayer is re-presented as...a duel between Yugi and Kaiba?


**Pharaoh And Slayer**  
by Rob Morris

Joey looked at his smaller, but far wiser friend.

"I just dunno, Yug. Kaiba basically wants to crow over your smacked down body."

Yugi Moto just set up his deck, and shrugged.

"It's a non-tournament fight, Joey. In a way, it's an honor to test out these all-new cards. Sito would have a hard time making hay out of a victory where he invented the cards we fight with, and only days ago, at that. Plus, he gave me a full rulebook to study."

On the other side of the platform, Yugi's honorable but nearly ruthless nemesis smirked.

"It's a consumer test, Wheeler. Some of these cards may be too powerful or too far out of traditional play to ever be useful in my quest to undo Yugi. So of course I chose him as my opponent. Or did you think I would ever choose someone like you?"

Taia and Tristram held Joey back, and for once the excitable young man kept his bluster in. The nearby presence of Kaiba's friendlier younger brother probably helped this. Sito Kaiba began the match.

"To begin, I place in play--Vampire Master!"

Looking to Tristram very much like the ancient film vampire Count Orlock, the somewhat stooped creature appeared.

"Hellmouth Heroes really goes for a traditional look. This could be the biggest extension set ever."

Taia saw a confident look on her dear friend's face as he began his play.

"An excellent choice, Kaiba. Well, a vampire needs a helpless victim. So I offer up--The Cheerleader, and another card, face down!"

Joey gulped as the rah-rahing, pom-pomed cutie hit the field like a ton of raw sugar.

"Hey, I think I saw her get dumped in the ice bin in 'I Saw You Screamed So Don't Deny It Part 5'. I hope this one has her head stay attached."

Taia rolled her eyes.

"I hope this one has her clothes stay attached. I mean, all she did was pick up a beer."

Kaiba shook his finger in the air.

"A trap card, Yugi? Yes, it is true that if Vampire Master engages in a physical attack, he can be trapped. But if he avoids sucking her blood, he's quite safe. However, your cheerleader can be destroyed from a distance by a magical attack. Vampire Master---Hand Of Storm!"

Constructed all of lightning, the clawed hand rose up and came down at the Cheerleader, who shrieked and shrieked again. But Yugi showed no worry.

"That wasn't a trap card I played, Kaiba. It was a supplement to Cheerleader. Revealed by your magical attack is her first ally--Bookish Wizard!"

The bespectacled mage, adjusting his glasses and reading a book, made two motions, one aimed at Cheerleader, the other aimed at Vampire Master. Yugi kept on.

"Against your Vampire Master he crafts Personal Barrier. No direct action of his may remove it. And to the Cheerleader he brings Eye Of Destiny, informing Cheerleader that she is in fact--Demon Slayer, raising her attack and defense points in more ways than just the obvious."

Though wearing normal clothes now, the Demon Slayer had a look on her face that brought Taia concern.

"For someone who just got a severe upgrade, Demon Slayer doesn't look too thrilled."

Joey shrugged.

"Mebbe she was happier as a cheerleader. I know I was happier, when she was wearing that little skirt."

He dodged Taia's slap as Yugi now played his turn.

"I place into play three more cards--The Awkward, Red Learner, and Fashion Queen. The Awkward automatically sharpens the focus of Demon Slayer. Red Learner searches out the weaknesses of the foes Demon Slayer attacks. Fashion Queen draws in enemy attacks. So now go forward Demon Slayer, and destroy Vampire Master!"

The skinny young man stood next to the young woman, perhaps as bookish as Bookish Wizard. Fashion Queen seemed bored. Tristram commented.

"Good thing Mai's not here. I have a feeling she'd attack Fashion Queen for trying to out-Mai her."

"Out-Mai Mai? Fugehedaboutit!"

"I'm with Joey."

The attack met with problems. As Demon Slayer approached her enemy with a stake, dozens of vampires appeared around her. Kaiba smiled.

"Did you forget that Vampire Master has a vampire army to protect him? Your Demon Slayer will never get through them all. Her attack has failed, and she is surrounded as my turn resumes. Vampires--finish her!"

But The Awkward and The Red Learner rushed over, along with Bookish Wizard and a Fashion Queen dragged by her hair by The Awkward. With their help, Demon Slayer was pulled back to safety. Her look of shame was wiped away by her allies, and she stood restored.

"Like me for my friends, Kaiba, so is Demon Slayer restored by hers. I play a new card face down, and end my turn, rather than again face your crew of instant vampires."

Kaiba pulled out a new card.

"I play in attack mode - The WoMantis. Her first attack can destroy Demon Slayer."

The insect-woman slashed forward, straight toward Demon Slayer. But at the last second, the Awkward tripped them both and took the blow himself, falling hard against the Arena wall. A thumbs-up said he was okay.

"The Awkward has little attack power, Kaiba. But his endurance and loyalty to Demon Slayer is nearly infinite. He also has the friendship of Red Learner, who didn't like what you just did."

The bookish girl sneered, pulled a multi-scythe out of her backpack, and handed it to Demon Slayer, who cut WoMantis into many pieces. Joey observed an odd turn.

"Hey, is it me, or does Fashion Queen look concerned for The Awkward?"

But the girl on the field harumphed and turned away just as quickly. Yugi now began his next turn.

"Demon Slayer--attack the Vampire Master with Multi-Scythe. You see, Kaiba, now she can cut down your vampire army and reach The Vampire Master. You are done."

Kaiba did not look shaken.

"Wrong, Yugi. For as Demon Slayer cuts through the vampire army, a newer, more vicious breed emerges from the Vampire Master's power. Meet now--Evil Schoolgirl!"

The cutesy thing, seemingly the sum total of the fantasies of every schoolboy and every dirty old man, moved with a vengeance against Demon Slayer, and managed, oddly, to land blows even when she was across the field. Tristam saw The Awkward become annoyed when one of those blows struck at Fashion Queen.

"He's grabbing her purse--and mixing together all her makeup?"

The Awkward waited for one of the odd blows to strike first Demon Slayer, then again at Fashion Queen. He dumped his mixture out at empty air. A young woman caked in makeup was now visible, clutching at her modesty as an angry Fashion Queen decked her. Taia shrugged.

"Doesn't she know that clothes become invisible when you do?"

Joey, only slightly interested in the animated revelation, pshawed the image.

"Depends on if the movie she's from was made in the 80's. Frankly, I've seen better. 'The Bikini Magnet'--now that was a classic."

Kaiba was still smiling.

"My Ignored Girl was just plain anti-social. The Vampire Master's presence just brings about certain freaks. Your move, Yugi. Demon Slayer can't last much longer."

"Indeed, Kaiba. And Evil Schoolgirl is too powerful a vampire for Demon Slayer's allies to thwart. Unless I call forth a new ally by revealing my hidden card---EnSouled, The Demon! Bringing it forward causes Red Learner to chant and strike at one of your support vampires, bringing him to my side, where Bookish Wizard joins with her to create--Vampire ArchAngel! And his devotion to Demon Slayer is second to none!"

Evil Schoolgirl stood with her eyes wide and her jaw agape as Vampire Archangel destroyed her. Kaiba was upset, but not dramatically so.

"Your Red Learner seems nervous, Yugi."

Yugi nodded.

"She is made as a nervous sort. But make no mistake, Kaiba. Red Learner has enormous potential for growth."

Kaiba made his move.

"But let's see if we can stunt that growth by making her more nervous. I play Phobos, The Nightmare Demon, in attack mode."

The Red Learner indeed began to shake, as though from fright. Bookish Wizard, Demon Slayer, and The Awkward all began to do the same, when they touched her out of concern. Only the stand-offish Fashion Queen and the reclusive Vampire ArchAngel kept back. Kaiba pointed.

"Her allies are too bound up with her, and now they shake with helpless fear! Fashion Queen has no real attack power, and Vampire Archangel will have to wade through the same crowd of vampires to try and get at Vampire Master. You're done for, Yugi."

With Yugi Moto, it was often impossible to tell who was speaking. The boy Yugi was a formidable duelist. Bonded as he was to the vastly ancient entity that inhabited his Millenium Puzzle, he was perhaps the very best, a thought that confounded his many foes.

"Not so, Kaiba. I may not be able to meaningfully strike at your Vampire Master. But I can cause one of my cards to strike at another, and I choose to do so. I play Harsh Ally, using Vampire Archangel against Red Learner. Her real fear of him thus negates her false fear created by Phobos Demon, dispelling her nightmares, and those of her affected allies."

"No! She can't be free that easily."

"Yes, Kaiba. And what's more, confronting her nightmares causes Red Learner to advance in power and thereby become...Red Wiccan Learner! With her newfound magic, she changes your Phobos Nightmare Demon into a harmless small boy with no attack power."

The small boy ran behind Vampire Master, and disappeared. It was again Kaiba's turn, and this setback seemed only to lightly disturb him.

"That was foolish of me, Yugi. So I'd best set a counter to each of your misfits, in this turn. Against Red Wiccan Learner I set the Witch, Thief Of Hearts. Against Vampire ArchAngel I set Crusader Vampire Brute. Against Fashion Queen I set The Hipster Jackals. Against The Bookish Wizard I set InterKnot, The CyberVirus Demon. Against The Awkward I place ArchVile Marionette. Your Demon Slayer is kept back, as always, by the army protecting Vampire Master."

Yugi smiled.

"But in your rush, Kaiba, you failed to directly counter Demon Slayer herself. With each round, the cohesion of this team increases exponentially. So I need only play her in my next turn as she strikes in support of all her friends, who will in turn support her."

Using Multi-Scythe, the now-leather-jacketed Demon Slayer ended the grappling between Vampire Archangel and the Bluto-like Crusader Vampire Brute. Together they forced InterKnot back into the computer screen from which it emerged. The Bookish Wizard then used its reflective surface to defend Red Wiccan Learner from The Witch, Thief Of Hearts. All stood stunned as The Awkward actually seized Archvile Marionette by its spindly legs and bashed at The Hipster Jackals with it, causing the well-dressed hyenas to scamper before they even reached Fashion Queen. Taia saw something that made her smile.

"Joey, you were right! Fashion Queen just planted a kiss on The Awkward's forehead. I think its love."

But Kaiba seemed unimpressed.

"Enough turns have passed, Yugi. The boy your Red Wiccan Learner so graciously sent me has had his own changes. Say hello to Anointed Vampire Child, and say goodbye to your Demon Slayer!"

Yugi observed the newcomer's stats, and shook his head.

"His attack power is too low. He's not even a challenge to Awkward or Fashion Queen."

But suddenly, the boy, looking like a twisted version of Kaiba's little brother, rushed forward, seized Demon Slayer by the wrist, and pulled her forward, across the field, and into the sloping arms of Vampire Master.

"You see, Yugi? Anointed Vampire Child has only two purposes. One of them is to deliver Demon Slayer into the arms of Vampire Master, whom I now switch into Attack Mode, and again I use, Hand Of Storm!"

Joey, Tristram and Taia watched in horror as Demon Slayer's mouth was flooded with rain water, until she was cast aside. But Yugi had an immediate counter.

"I unleash Allied Firestorm against my own cards, Awkward and Vampire ArchAngel, who put aside their unease, join together, and form Love Of Slayer!"

The joined being of energy and mist moved to the fallen, fading Demon Slayer. With its left hand, it pulled the water out of her lungs. With its right, it sent a hurricane of air into them.

"Watch as Demon Slayer arises again, Kaiba, her attack and defense points raised even higher."

Kaiba used his turn to have Vampire Master attack anew, but the Demon Slayer's speed and blocking skill were now attuned to the monster's rhythms, and she survived. Love Of Slayer dispersed into Awkward and Vampire Archangel, who seemed to now step away from one another in disdain.

"Now, Kaiba, watch as Bookish Wizard and Red Wiccan Learner give Demon Slayer the means to finish your Vampire Master forever!"

As one, the Bookish Wizard and Red Wiccan Learner threw seeds into the hands of Demon Slayer, who was already past the vampire army, courtesy of Kaiba. She in turn threw the seeds into Vampire Master's chest. Kaiba wasted another turn in an attack that drained, but did not finish, Demon Slayer.

"He will wear her down, Yugi. It's only a matter of time."

"Again you are wrong, Kaiba. For I now play Fashion Queen in Purse Of Plenty!"

From her purse Fashion Queen pulled out a hand-pumped water mister meant for hot days. She tossed it to Demon Slayer, who sprayed Vampire Master's chest.

"That was Holy Water, Kaiba. Not enough to truly hurt Vampire Master. But as water, it feeds the seeds he was stabbed with, and they grow quickly into the mighty oak."

And as Kaiba watched in disbelief, the oak not only grew straight through Vampire Master's chest, but crushed his dead bones to powder as it fell. Kaiba sneered. Joey smirked.

"Hey, that means all Kaiba's got left is that Anointed Vampire Child--and he's nothin'!"

"Wrong as always, Wheeler! Now, Yugi, see Anointed Vampire Child's second purpose. I sacrifice him to Light Of Burning----"

Sunlight streamed in on the evil child, burning him to ash.

"---and use his ashes to call forth---Wicked Party Fun Couple in Attack Mode!"

As the punker and the wild-eyed girl joyfully struck at the Demon Slayer's team, Kaiba eyed some of the other very strong cards he held in reserve.

"No game is just a test, Yugi. It's not about dueling."

UnEnSouled Archangel. Demon Duke Ascending. Mecha Homunculus. Hell Goddess. Vicious Awkward. Red Witch Unchained. Void Supremor. All awaited Yugi's best efforts to win. Kaiba smiled.

"It's About Power."

FIN-----


End file.
